Frozen Solid

“Tell me I can do this.” I asked a friend at school as I headed toward the door. “You can do this.” she gave with a smile. “Now…tell me again when I get to the door.” “You can DO THIS!!!!!”

one foot in front of the other

I stepped onto Poyntz Avenue and kept stepping until I reached a business office. I took a deep breath, entered, walked up a flight of stairs, into an office while trying to steady my breath and began a conversation that ended with an appointment. Mission accomplished. Sounds easy enough but for me it felt a bit like slipping my entire body into ice cold water. Here’s the beauty, where I normally would have drowned in fear, today I fought back and came up breathing.

Walking into that office, I was someone I’d been told I should not be, could not be for years and being that person in those moments made it easier to be her in the next and the next and even in this very moment. I was ME and I was strong and I was not buying into the lie that there is something less in me than the next person.

stepping out

We all have them ~ those moments ~ frozen solid in our minds. Stepping back onto Poyntz Avenue after making that appointment was crystalized in my mind today. As chunks of lies and insecurities fell off of me, freedom and beauty shot up in their place. I nearly ran back to school and found my friend in the hall. “I did it! I did it!” I told her through tears. It’s interesting, this process of mending and growing and becoming whole. And these frozen moments are a sacred thing, reminding us that we are not forgotten and that there is indeed hope.

This song speaks a wee bit of romance between a man and a woman but I’m knee deep in the enchantment of finding life is not over and that’s why I love it. Click on the water and enjoy.swimm

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4 Comments »

  1. 1
    Tara H Says:

    Very cool. You might end up being the ballsiest chick I know. How fun would that be?
    I miss catching a movie with you that we decided on at the last minute.
    One of these days you’ll color my hair something fierce and we will go to the movies.

  2. 2
    cdees Says:

    tara, when i woke up this morning, i had a list streaming through my mind of all the scarey things i’ve done in the last year and 1/2. it took me a minute to realize what i was seeing – that i have been brave and just not recognized it. i cannot find the words to explain the response i had to this but it was literal body, mind and soul – and the soul part was at the very deepest core…no words…but just imagine the way when the core of the body is strong how that affects the posture, etc. of the whole body.
    thank you tara for being one of those people who’ve planted courage in my life. 🙂

  3. 3
    Joelle Says:

    “…freedom and beauty shot up…” Love it. So proud.

    And I miss having you CALL to ask me to go to a movie at the last minute. And I’m sad I never said yes! 😦

  4. 4
    cdees Says:

    you DID! you DID! we saw Traveling Panties…or you know, something like that. 😉


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