Archive for the ‘breathing’ Category

Frozen Solid

Friday, October 16th, 2009

“Tell me I can do this.” I asked a friend at school as I headed toward the door. “You can do this.” she gave with a smile. “Now…tell me again when I get to the door.” “You can DO THIS!!!!!”

one foot in front of the other

I stepped onto Poyntz Avenue and kept stepping until I reached a business office. I took a deep breath, entered, walked up a flight of stairs, into an office while trying to steady my breath and began a conversation that ended with an appointment. Mission accomplished. Sounds easy enough but for me it felt a bit like slipping my entire body into ice cold water. Here’s the beauty, where I normally would have drowned in fear, today I fought back and came up breathing.

Walking into that office, I was someone I’d been told I should not be, could not be for years and being that person in those moments made it easier to be her in the next and the next and even in this very moment. I was ME and I was strong and I was not buying into the lie that there is something less in me than the next person.

stepping out

We all have them ~ those moments ~ frozen solid in our minds. Stepping back onto Poyntz Avenue after making that appointment was crystalized in my mind today. As chunks of lies and insecurities fell off of me, freedom and beauty shot up in their place. I nearly ran back to school and found my friend in the hall. “I did it! I did it!” I told her through tears. It’s interesting, this process of mending and growing and becoming whole. And these frozen moments are a sacred thing, reminding us that we are not forgotten and that there is indeed hope.

This song speaks a wee bit of romance between a man and a woman but I’m knee deep in the enchantment of finding life is not over and that’s why I love it. Click on the water and enjoy.swimm

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Kung Fu Grip

Thursday, November 13th, 2008

…so, i don’t have it all figured out –

 what i believe. 

but

there are a few things i can grab onto and i am. i’m grabbing, holding, clinging and guarding it against my chest like it’s my last dime…or maybe…the last piece of chocolate. 

here’s some of what i know: there is something bigger than me, stronger than me, better than me and, i believe, it longs to shelter me and protect me the way i want to protect my children, only even more and stronger and better than i’ll ever be able to do for them. and somehow…it will help smooth out the messes in my life and set me on a path of love and joy and healthy freedom.

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In Between

Wednesday, August 6th, 2008

So, here I am.

I’m not exactly sure where “here” is but I know that it’s in between where I was and where I’m going. Maybe that’s true all the time…but this is a bit different. Weeks ago, I looked back at my life. I saw who I was, where I’d been, what I’d done and not done and I knew deep within me that I desperately needed change. Problem was, wasn’t sure of the where, how and whats. So I started doing anything to tell myself that I would never go back to what had been. After months of nothing I started reading again,  singing again and got better aquainted with my toes via Yoga.

Finally, I’ve started going to Yoga classes – My first class I sweated more than I thought possible. My second class my whole body shook as I strained to keep proper balance and control and strength. Instead of feeling embarrassed by my lack of strength and skill, I felt elated, giddy and thankful, deeply, deeply thankful that I am doing something new in my life, challenging in my life, healthy in my life.

My body and mind and I are working together for the good of each other. In those moments of peace, I have hope – hope for the unknown of where I’m going. I’m moving forward.